Couples Counseling

In our sessions, we will assess your marriage or relationship goals, communication style, and conflict management style. We will trouble-shoot the patterns of thinking and behavior that are causing conflict, and then to put into place new patterns of interacting that will lead to lasting marital or relationship satisfaction. Often, it is useful for us to look back at past relationships, including family relationships from childhood, that have shaped the hopes, fears, expectations, and patterns that you carry with you into your adult life. Sometimes past trauma affects our “fight and flight” response that we bring into relationships. With this self-awareness, we can decide what you want to keep and what you want to do differently going forward.

I have over 2 decades of experience helping couples and studying the common factors which tend to create relationship happiness and stability over time, and which patterns seem to erode a relationship over time. Research and experience show that the common factors in relationship strength do not always follow intuitive sense. For example, the mere frequency of arguing doesn’t in intself predict relationship dissatisfaction. What matters most is the ratio of arguments to positive interractions. Some couples can manage to “squabble” quite alot, if they are also having fun and communicating well most of the time. In fact, some couples who rarely argue aren’t better off than those that argue more. Sometimes lack of arguing correlates with lack of communication, such as a couple that has a cool, business-like rapport but no authenticity and warmth. That being said, some couples argue or fight in a way that is toxic, volatile, and damaging, and I can help couples who are stuck in this pattern learn to express their needs, hopes, and hurts without breaking down the relationship in the process.

I can help you set goals, identify strengths and weakness, and implement new tools of communication, emotion management, and behavior that will help your relationship grow toward greater hope and happiness.