Elements of Trust in a Relationship
This is not an exhaustive list of all of the aspects of trust in a relationship, but these are some important elements in establishing a sense of security and reliability. Being able to “count on someone” isn’t something that we give away through blind faith but depends on the communication and actions around important events and needs in the relationship.
TRANSPARENCY
Showing your partner what is happening behind the scenes and sharing your reasoning for your actions. For example, this can relate to finances (e.g. not hiding a big purchase). It could also relate to feelings (expressing your hesitancy to spend time with some mutual acquaintances due to not feeling good around them rather than passively avoiding the situation).
FOLLOW-THROUGH
This one is very simple conceptually. Do what you say you are going to do. If you are unable to do what you have communicated, then let your partner know why and what to expect going forward. Don’t make your partner chase you down to fulfill a commitment. That is teenage behavior, not adult behavior.
VALIDATION
Let your partner know that their feelings matter. You don’t have to agree to show them that you respect their right to their opinion and that perhaps it makes sense based on their life experience, even if it differs from yours. This will show your partner that you can handle your differences.
ACCEPTANCE OF INFLUENCE
Allow your partner opportunities to show you a different perspective or a different way of doing things. You don’t always need to yield or give up your position, but none of us can be right 100% of the time, so demonstrate that you can be flexible.
PROACTIVE APPROACH
Don’t wait for your partner to bring up difficult conversations or to address stressful situations. Communicating proactively shows your partner that you are paying attention and aware of issues that may be affecting your relationship or your life together. Being a good steward of the relationship means not waiting until things catch on fire.
VALUES
Identify values together that you can incorporate and practice in your life. Show your partner that these values lead your decisions and actions. If you haven’t put much thought to articulating what your values are, Google the phrase “core values list”. This will help give you some language around the topic. You do have values! You just may not have put a name to all of them.